By Dr. Jeffrey Lant
Today Tiger Woods, golf legend, gazillionaire, the man of the million watt smile, from whose talents an entire industry grew and flourished, sits alone, wondering, pondering, reviewing every incident and detail.
The emperor of golf has not won a title since November 2008. In his palatial mansion, filled with the tokens of esteem and triumph which, once, seemed his to command and augment at will, a DVD player runs endless renditions of the glory days of his life… The tapes run…. but he hardly glances at them. Instead just one question runs in his brain, over and over: why?
Now thanks to this exclusive article featuring Oberon and Titania, taking time out from their long-running “A Midsummer Night’s Dream” world tour, we finally know the answer.
Frolics and hijinks of the forest elves, fairies, wizards, gnomes, et al.
The forest folk, whose antics were captured so well by Shakespeare in his play of 1590, have a problem that we humans do not share. Having eternal time at their disposal allows these immortals to do whatever they wish; problem is, there is always too much time, never enough to do…. and so, to fill the endless vistas of their limitless days, they turn to the mischievous, which they have crafted into an art form and sport.
Tiger Woods is one of their most successful creations, showing just what they can do, for good and ill, when they put their minds to it.
Titania found her 1975 Christmas presents from Oberon insufficiently magnificent and entirely unsatisfactory. Being the Queen she let him know in ways petty, irksome, and irritating that she was unhappy. The smallest traces of the herb tauri were sufficient for embarrassing oral purgings, always at the least convenient moments. He got the message and offered her whatever she wanted… She told him she wanted a human child to shape, coddle, adore. And she had just the one in mind she wanted. Burping, Oberon agreed…
Titania thereupon scheduled a great party, to take place December 30, 1975, the birth day of Eldrick Tont Woods.
Every forest dweller ever presented to Their Majesties was invited to appear, wearing full regalia, all orders, ribands, decorations and, should you be fortunate to have them, the red heeled shoes that arrested every eye and made those without writhe. Titania wished this to be her finest festival yet… and so it was; not least because each guest had been commanded to bring a gift, an attribute or skill they would bestow on the newborn child.
Much consideration went into these gifts; each wanted his to be unique, memorable, something that might catch the eye of Titania and result, it could happen, in the instant bestowal of red heels and the universal envy they occasioned.
Titania, resplendent in gossamer spun by bees at the exact moment of sunrise, a crown of iris flowers set with diamonds in her hair, greeted her guests at the top of a staircase lined with dragonflies in full iridescence, Oberon at her side… the Court Chamberlain, a Monarch Butterfly full of years and honors, announced each guest’s arrival — and gift. The cricket orchestra unveiled a new grand march….
“You will win the U.S. Amateur title 3 times.”
“You will win 4 green jackets and the excitement of the world.”
“You will drive 350 yards at will to the mortification and envy of all your colleagues.”
And so it went as afternoon merged into evening, the line of guests never slackening… each one presenting Titania with their special gift for her ward and favorite, then handing it to a powdered flunkey who artfully arranged it amongst the mound of prior presentations.
“Your balls will always avoid water and sand.”
“Every putt will appear straight as an arrow.”
“You will win more PGA events than legendary Sam Snead.”
But there was more, much more… each following their Queen’s commands to the very letter:
“You will win more majors than Jack Nicklaus.”
“You will be the only golfer to win all 4 majors in a row.”
“You will win each major (Masters, PGA, U.S. Open, British Open) at least 3 times.”
“You will become the richest sports figure in history.”
“You will marry one of the world’s most beautiful women.”
“You will be called Tiger and the world will cheer and honor you , glad for your success, never envious.”
Now the long receiving line had dwindled; the guests rather attending to the dainty foods and cups of potent nectar. And the orchestra, weren’t they splendid tonight?
Then, as a black presence emerged, all went silent. It was Nemesis…. slow moving, her wrinkled face but little seen, swathed in black, the essence of discontent, mayhem her specialty. Titania was called, her iris headband askew, she was no friend to Nemesis, and partly feared her. “My invitation must have gone astray,” she said “I have a gift for your Tiger, too,” her voice deceptively calm, caressing. There could be no reason for refusing though Titania wished to refuse, but why spoil such a divine party? Thus Nemesis, with care, placed her gift in the cradle. It said simply: “More… Having everything will never be enough.” She then waved a wand.. and every guest fell to sleep, to awake (as partied creatures so often do) with recollection of nothing.
Year after year, the attributes so bestowed came true, the man beloved of the world, nothing too good for him, nothing begrudged. He was star-kissed, Fortuna in his pocket.
Until one day in November 2009, it all unravelled, in the testimonies of a stream of women delighted to dally with a legend, he more than they careless of his celebrity and position. The revelations were steamy, sordid, specific… the man who had everything now had universal execration and criticism too… and a whopping $750 million dollar divorce settlement to boot.
As his gilded world imploded, he asked himself as the world asked him: why had he imperiled so much for so little? It was beyond reason, beyond rational reckoning. And as he thought, the stories grew more frequent, more lurid, more damaging.
Then flashed the message of Nemesis: “More,” she reminded, the caress still in the voice, “everything will never be enough.” And now in darkened room, focused solely on this, he wondered at the trick of fate that had given everything, so ordered and ordained that it could never be adequate, satisfactory or fulfilling.
At that moment, he hears again on the television, a name he has been hearing a lot lately, Rory McIlroy, the commentator extolling his many skills, many outdoing his own. At this moment Rory is advising Tiger to stay out of competitive play, focusing on recovering his health. The sentiments are, perhaps, well intended, but their calm condescension rankles. It was then that he sees something on the floor; it’s a aide memoire from Nemesis with this message: “Not invited to Titania’s party for Rory. Crash party with usual message. It worked so well with Tiger.”
And so it does. The man with everything still has more than most anyone… but he hankers after the most important thing, whose loss will hurt forever: he no longer inspires hope, admiration, even reverence. Even were he to get everything again, these — as Nemesis conspired — are truly gone forever.
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About The Author
Harvard-educated Dr. Jeffrey Lant Dr. Lant is also a syndicated writer and author of 18 best-selling business books. Details at http://homeprofitcoach.com/listbulding